Wanted: To give in...
This time of year, whether you want to or not, makes you think about relationships. The question I get is why are you Single? My answer I haven't found what I am looking for. Close, to what I am looking for... but not everything. The next question in my mind is what are you looking for, what do you want, what can make me happy?
Great Expectations, which is what I have, b/c yes sometimes things fall short and disappoint, but I want to live for something more, and I know God has greater things in store for me. Just as I am waiting for the perfect place for me to call home, I am waiting for the perfect one to spend the rest of my life with. We are made for relationships, and not just for romantic ones. Right now I can focus on friendships, family, God, reaching the lost, all essential to life, and things that would get placed on the back burner if I was in a romantic relationship. Sometimes things are hard, sometimes I am lonely, and that is what this is about. About me spending time with my future husband in thoughts, prayers, rather then in the arms of no one special. This is for me to read, and remember what I am waiting for.
Yesterday I had the sudden urge to listen to this song. It is the song I want to dance with my husband on my wedding night b/c it captures me and what I want. When I listen to it, my heart hurts a bit b/c I miss him and want the time to come for me to be with my husband and feel this way, but the greatest part is that I already feel this way, and I feel full and happy when I listen to it.
"I Give In" by Sara Evans
When I look at you
I see the souls of our unborn children
If I reach for you
Will you take my hand
Are you willing
You turn more than the music on
But will you be there by my side at the dawn
Then I'll say
All right, I give in
I will dance with you just this one time
And all night
We will turn and spin
Then stand eye to eye at the sunrise
And you offer love
And it all begins when I say
All right, I give in
If I sing for you
Would it be the sweetest sound you've ever heard
And if I pray for you
Will you know that I believe in every word
You build me a house on stone
Will you promise me I'm never gonna be alone
Then I'll say...
All right, I give in
I will dance with you just this one time
And all night
We will turn and spin
Then stand eye to eye at the sunrise
And you offer love
And it all begins when I say
All right, I give in
You turn more than the music on
But will you be there by my side at the dawn
Then I say...
All right, I give in
I will dance with you just this one time
And all night
We will turn and spin
Then stand eye to eye at the sunrise
And you offer love
And it all begins when I say
All right, I give in
If you know me well, you probably get a lot of what the song says to me. But it is more then a song, it's the way I love.
"I see the souls of our unborn children" Children capture my heart; there is something about holding a child nested to you, their smell, the feeling. This idea is a way that I feel connected with God. God is the creator of all, and given us the gift of making children. When I hold a child, I feel safe and strong, they way I imagine God feels when we come to him. Children are our future, and when I see them in your eyes, I see the future.
"If I reach for you, Will you take my hand" Just how it is phrased is me, IF. After making it through ACU single, I have become a very independent person. Especially I think Americans are proud people, who think we do not need anyone. I want most right now is to be financially independent. That is so far from God's purpose for us. We are created for relationships, with him and one and another. We need other people, that is why there is church, a group of people who acts as a family, holding each other up. I want and need someone who will recognize that I am slow to ask for help, but be there, ready to help, not force it, but if I need it.
"Are you willing" Willing to wait, to help, to hold my hand though thick and thin.
"You turn more than the music on" Okay let's address the obvious first, and then move on to more of the deeper meaning. Yes, sex is important in a relationship, but for me it is more then that, the music is the excitement of puppy love. I want someone who is more to me then that, someone who challenges me to be a better person.
"All right, I give in. I will dance with you just this one time." I am a bit sarcastic in well all of me. I always said when I am asked to be married; I am going to say no. Just to say no, and well I say no to most things, when someone asks me to do things, I do it, but I say no. I can't explain it; it is the child in me. Or if someone says excuse me, I will say okay, just this one time, don't let it happen again. Me and my stupid responses. That is just something I can see myself saying. But meaning just one more time forever.
"We will turn and spin" I love to dance, well two step and turn and spin. It makes me fell so pretty, nothing in the world can touch that feeling.
"And you offer love" the worst feeling is when you love someone more then they love you. I have been on both ends of that, and it hurts, but for him to offer, will melt my heart.
" If I sing for you. Would it be the sweetest sound you've ever heard?" If you know me, I am the worst singer, ever. Really, I am that bad. But to him, it won't matter. Meaning my flaws, the worst things about me, if I do it for him, it will please him. He will look at me for what I aspire to be, more then who I am.
"And if I pray for you. Will you know that I believe in every word?" Prayer, I believe there are 3 basic bonds we have with each other: spiritual, emotional, and physical. This speaks to the first. To me my prayers are more of Lord; let your will be done. It isn't about what I want, and for me to pray for you, means you trust every word I say and I care that much b/c prayer is intimate.
" Will you promise me I'm never gonna be alone." My greatest fear, dying alone and unloved, making no difference. I trust him with my greatest fears.
"All right, I give in." I want to give in. Now this is not something that I will go around saying a lot, b/c I am an independent capable woman who is happy and complete by herself. What I am saying is that I want someone who complements me, who is strong in my weak areas. Someone that I am happy with even if I am wrong. Someone to submit my love to.
